Why It’s Key to Finding Your Suburban Tribe
You’ve strolled through neighborhoods, grabbed brunch at some local hotspots, and carefully mapped out your commute. But there’s one essential factor that’s easy to overlook when deciding on a new town: parent culture—and that culture can have a huge impact on how well you and your family adjust to your new community.
“Parent culture is often underestimated but incredibly important when determining the right fit for your family,” says Patti Natiss, Head of National Strategy and Emerging Markets at Suburban Jungle. “It can shape your day-to-day life in ways you might not realize until you’re living in it.”
Understanding Parent Culture
So what is “parent culture”—and why is it so essential to your search? Think of parent culture as the most common day-to-day for moms and dads in the community, and the vibe that comes with it. Usually, that culture is anchored by work schedules, locations, and preferences—specifically, whether parents work, stay home, or juggle both, and who tends to handle child care. Suburban Jungle takes this very seriously, often finding that many families overlook the importance of a town’s parent culture when considering where to move. “If you’re the only stay-at-home parent in a town filled with working parents, nannies, and au pairs, it can feel isolating,” says Patti. “And if you’re a working parent surrounded by stay-at-home moms or dads, you might feel like you’re missing out.” Not only can you feel isolated, but may feel like the town is not the right fit in the long run.
While it may not seem like a huge consideration, it can be. In some communities, for example, stay-at-home moms and dads are the norm, and they’re actively involved in PTA events and organizing playdates. If you also stay home, you’ll likely find it easy to connect with other families. On the flip side, if you’re a working parent in a community with a large stay-at-home population, you may find it more difficult to make those social connections after school.
The same goes for heavy commuter towns. Plenty of suburbs are dominated by commuting parents who rely on caregivers for pick-ups and drop-offs. “In these towns, you’ll likely spot other parents on the train or bus as you’re heading to and from work,” says Patti. “Again, it’s a great opportunity to make connections. You can also lean on other working parents for help with everything from finding a nanny or sitter to carpooling to soccer practice. You’re all in the same boat.”
For parents who work from home, there’s yet another dynamic. In these towns, flexibility allows for a mix of professional life and parenthood, with parents often sharing tips on how to balance work, school plays, and afternoon soccer. “In communities where work-from-home is common, you’ll find parents swapping stories of managing Zoom meetings and school events,” Patti says. “No matter where you’re exploring, though, you’re going to see parent culture front and center at drop-offs, playdates, and PTA meetings. And if you’re not aware of it before you move, you might find yourself feeling out of sync with the community.”
Questions to Ask Before You Move
All of this said, parents certainly can adjust to any community. But it can be easier when you know what to expect going in. “Making connections with other parents is often one of the fastest ways to feel at home in a new community,” says Patti. Whether it’s chatting on the playground or watching your kids’ soccer games, your child’s activities will naturally introduce you to other parents.
“This is why Suburban Jungle suggests exploring the parent culture before picking the town,” says Patti. “You should try to live like a local – eat at a local restaurant, swing by the sports fields on a Saturday afternoon, head to the farmers market, strike up a conversation at the playground. “All of this can help gain an insider’s perspective before you make the leap,” says Patti.
When you’re considering a move, here are a few questions to help you understand the parent culture in the towns you’re exploring:
- The Childcare Scene? Nannies, au pairs, after school sitters, SAHMs, SAHD, daycare, after school enrichment – there is no shortage of childcare options in suburbia. But, while a town may have a ton of options, most communities veer towards one childcare approach over the others. While it might not seem mission-critical, finding a town that syncs with your childcare plans can be very important, especially as you are getting acclimated in your new community.
- What’s the parent work culture? Is the town full of commuters, or are many parents working from home? Are working parents working two days a week or five days a week? If remote work is popular, are there co-working spaces or popular cafes where people gather? Are parents doing carpools to after school activities or does the town offer after school activities at the school or is there a bus that takes them to after school activities? Finding out this information is crucial as it can feel very isolating if you are the only parent in your new town commuting into NYC five days a week.
- Inside Scoop on Parent involvement at school. Parent involvement means something different to every family. How involved are parents at school? Is the PTA active? Do parents frequently volunteer for school activities such as the book fair or library day or is involvement typically limited to nights and weekends? Is volunteering part of the culture, but not something that interests you or do you work full time in NYC? That said, as you are diving into your suburban school search, it is also important to understand the parent involvement in the schools.
- The true vibe at pick-up and drop-off. Are your kids taking a bus to and from school or are you or your caregiver walking your kids? Is the pick up line buzzing with parents or are caregivers running the show? Walking your kids to school is great but do you want to host a playdate every day after school? Some parents have a more rigid schedule for their children and some prefer the flexibility of making a playdate at pickup. Experiencing pick-up and drop off at school is another way to get the feel for the overall parent dynamic of the community.
Wrapping It Up: The Importance of Parent Culture and the Expert Perspective is Priceless
At the end of the day, finding your suburban “tribe” is about more than just a great house or good schools—it’s about finding a community where you can connect with your people.
“Understanding the local parent culture is key to a successful move,” says Patti. She often advises clients to drop in on a weekend class—an excellent way to observe the parent culture in your prospective town. It’s a chance to meet and mingle in a relaxed setting, where you can ask questions of other parents, instructors, and caregivers—people who likely had the same concerns when they first arrived. It’s a great way to get an authentic feel for the community. “Ultimately, it’s about finding a place where you feel comfortable, supported, and connected. No matter where you’re looking, we’re here to help.”
For more insights, visit SJ’s blog page on our website.
Need help navigating parent culture as part of your move? Schedule a free initial strategy session and find the perfect fit for your family.
